"And it BOTHERS me"


Victoria is a Navy wife and a new mom.  Dahvie is an incarcerated Chicago gang member.  They write letters back and forth.  In this post, Victoria describes her insecurities regarding another person’s perception of her.


Victoria: So, true confession.  I have a this friend of a friend who HATES me.  Well, I dunno if she hates me. She just...ignores me whenever I try to speak with her in any way, shape, or form.  Honestly, I have no idea what I did to make her hate me. Like, I have guesses, but nothing would earn the fact that she has ignored me every day for the past few months.  I mean, I haven’t killed her cat or anything. And it BOTHERS me. Like, I obsess over it sometimes. And by sometimes, like, all the time I’m at work. Whoops. I think I have a low self-esteem….I think I don’t have enough confidence in myself to take stuff like this.


Dahvie: Mannnnn…fuck that bitch!  I’ll slap the shit out of her!  LOL repeat that 5 times to yourself when she’s around.  Make you never care she existed.  Real talk, that’s the savage point of view.  But I’m positive she don’t hate you.  She probably don’t like you but she can’t hate you cause you gave her no reason to.  But maybe you gave her a reason not to like you.  Maybe she don’t like how you teach or your relationship with the kids or coworkers.  Maybe she think your weak and don’t speak up for yourself.   Maybe she think you tryin too hard to impress her people whateva it is, it’s her problem not yours.  Fuck her!  Anybody who don’t like you, I don’t like, so tell her to suck my dick.


Victoria: This situation actually ended up being a really important one for me. I obsessed over this for a long time. It just tapped into so many things I was dealing with: my own insecurities, my need to be liked, my tendency to assume the worst of any possible situation. I went to talk to her, to ask her about what was going on. She looked surprised and said “absolutely nothing.” Whole time I think she wasn’t even thinking about me. That was such a good lesson for me. We get so focused on what other people think about us, whole time they’re probably not thinking about us much at all.