Anxiety Attack


House Life (04/04/2017): I had a mini-anxiety attack this morning (or maybe they’re mini-panic attacks, I’m not really sure which. I guess something like this I should research more.  I think the best way to describe them is that my brain feels like its overloaded—like you have too many web browsers up, and none of the pages are loading, and you’re like screaming at your computer screen).

I was trying to get myself out of the house to run a whole bunch of errands: mass, volunteering, working at the library, grocery shopping, mailing a few things.  I kid you not my brain was treating sending thank-you notes or buying my husband sourdough bread like it was Mission Impossible.

And, to be honest, I felt like a 100% superhero leaving the house, complete with a heroic soundtrack.  Just being able to leaving the house is still a victory--it used to be a lot worse, especially when I was in college.  I would find myself overwhelmed by it, not really able to leave my dorm or get anything done.

I saw a psychologist for a while and she taught me ways that I could work to slowly talk myself out of it.  I make a zillion checklists because when my brain decides randomly “I’ve had enough for today, thank you very much” I’m able to do things without thinking.  Although it’s INSANELY hard to have to admit that I’m not a superhero and I’m not always in control of my mind, I do feel a little like Tom Cruise every time I’m able to outsmart these mini-panic attacks.

SL: Umm…ok.  First time I’m at a loss for words.  Like I never experience panic attacks or even anxiety (although recently I saw a doctor and was tryna describe what I thought a anxiety attack would be to get on certain meds so I can be high, but he called my description of a anxiety attack something else).

My first thought to this was haha what a cute way to describe bein lazy but what do I know! SO if its really a problem for you that you have to outsmart it then give yourself some credit.  Wonderwoman.  You don’t have to save other people to be a hero for yourself right?

And I gotta say your errands like volunteering?  Lol Ima savage for thinkin this but…well we do live two COMPLETELY different lifestyles.  Sometimes it seem like I live in a whole other world or planet.  I can’t imagine people volunteering all the time.  Like I think that’s cool and wish I knew more people who do but damn, you ain’t got nun better to do? SMH at Housewife, lol.

HW: Thanks for the encouragement, Dahvie…I mean that without sarcasm.  “Wonderwoman.  You don’t have to save other people to be a hero for yourself right?”  That comment meant a lot to me. 

I used to be obsessed with helping other people, which is a good thing, I guess.  But I would help people to the extent that it was harmful to me.  It would take away my sanity, my time with people I love, my ability to do well at my job. I learned the hard way to get myself to a stable spot first before I helped others.  I need to be a superhero for me first.