Old Friends


Victoria is a Catholic Navy wife and a new mom. Dahvie is an incarcerated Chicago gang member. They write letters back and forth (you can learn more about it here). In this post, Victoria shares her fears of drifting apart from dear friends of hers, and Dahvie muses on how people change.


Victoria: I had two of my dearest friends from college (they’re a couple) travel down from VA to visit my husband and me in Mississippi for a week.  It was so good to have them down here with us—we went on hikes, explored New Orleans for a couple of days, played the board game Life drunk (10 out of 10 would recommend)—and it was just so good to be with them.  I’ve been working on making new friends down here but sometimes what you really need is old friends that you’re comfortable with.

What’s weird though is that I was struck by how much we’d changed. When we were in school, our paths were so similar: going to classes, studying, eating in dhall, more studying, even more studying…  Now it’s becoming apparent how different our goals are: I want a ton of kids and to maybe homeschool those kids and perhaps never formally work ever again, and they’re totally career-oriented. She’s at a fantastic med school and is going to be an incredible doctor and I don’t think they want kids.  I’m so excited for them but I wonder sometimes if in the future our lives will be so different that we won’t understand each other.

At the same time, things were still kinda just the same.  In many ways were still just their old, goofy selves.  We still loved walking, hiking, exploring museums, and visiting new towns together.  He and I still blurt out whatever we’re thinking.  They’re still vegetable and peanut butter obsessed, compost everything, and work to help the environment in every way possible (I was super inspired—I hadn’t started recycling in the new place).  And, we still sang along to ever word of The Killers’ CD Direct Hits together (how you know you’ll be friends forever, lol).

Dahvie: Friends!  Ones we can depend on…Lol.  This such a cool post.  I like how you still in contact with old homies from college.  What’s crazy is they still a couple? Or over time they got together? It’s good to know you got friends that will travel to come kick it with you.  That’s love. 

People change. Of course you can’t be surprised about that.  Nothing ever stay the same.  Relationships change.  People who share the same hobbies, views in life, or goals is what link them together.  Y’all goals may change, views or even hobbies but as long as something yall share remain in common then your friendship is good.  But if everything is different and yall don’t find common ground sad to say yall grew apart.  You never know if you don’t ask.

Have you asked her and told her what you feeling?  Maybe she didn’t expect life to turn the way it did and even yearn for the old dream.  I can tell you don’t worry that one day yall might end up too different.  That shouldn’t happen.  Individual time could prevent that.  Not couple dates.  Get it?  That way you can find that uniqueness that excite you in that person and base your bond off that.  Make sense?

And are you for real going to have a ton of kids?  Like how many?  Damn, your husband's got his hands full, lol. 

Can’t lie yall activities sounded fun but I must ask how can someone love walkin…that’s like…weird I think.